dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
