I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
