drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
