just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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