awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
