It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he fucked my hip out of place.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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