of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
