i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
