he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
