No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
