I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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