i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
