His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
