Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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