We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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