do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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