I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
