I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
