Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
