why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
