You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
