as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
