it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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