hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
