Can i not drive my cunt home
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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