You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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