Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
