Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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