i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
