We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i out mim tonsoeep
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
