Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
