No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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