I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
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