it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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