You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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