In the future we'll all be gay
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
