Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
