My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
