i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
