If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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