I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
