He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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