you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
