If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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