Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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