Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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