the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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