The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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