I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
