nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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