What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
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